The Beaches of Maryland

Hello, my name is Tyler, the easily distracted and often times poorly motivated author of this blog, and by the time you finish reading this sentence, you will have officially finished reading a sentence of a blog that you were obligated to read in the first place, unless that is not true, in which case, good for you. Isn’t taking initiative great? Just look where it’s gotten you now. So give yourself a pat on the back for meeting a standard expectation, and thank you for reading the first sentences of my blog, again, not that you had a choice in the first place, unless you did, which is cool too.

The initial goal of this blog entry is to give you, the reader, a glimpse into the future of what you can expect from following entries. However, due to my inability to see the future, I have decided to abandon this unlikely and potentially dangerous route and have instead decided to tell you a little about myself.

Getting back to the matter at hand, I would like to tell you a little something about myself, aside from the already discussed fact of my name as well as my inability or possible ability to see the future, but I digress.

In order to tell you something about myself, I have found that the best way to do so is to discuss something that I have in common everybody else, which is the beach, because everybody loves the beach. I have come to this realization based on true facts that I have gathered from firsthand experience of the beach throughout my life that I believe remain true today. And so I will begin as plainly as possible.

Hello, my name is Tyler, and I love the beach. Ever since I can remember, the beaches of Maryland have been the annual vacation destinations for my family, save for a single trek to the uninhabited state of Wyoming and one to the lovely coast of New Jersey. If you happen to live in the state of Wyoming, I sincerely apologize. Not for my comment, but for the fact that you live in Wyoming.

Getting back to my memory of the beach, I can’t really remember all that far back. Maybe a few good years, sure, but nothing really stands out about the beach that separates it from any other memories of the beach. Regardless, from what I can clearly remember, the beach is great, otherwise, why would anybody go to the beach in the first place?

I have based this fact on the already existing fact that there are always lots of people on the beach whenever I am there, which, from what I can imagine, is what others experience when at the beach, that being lots of people who also love the beach.

However, now that I think about it, it is possible that many of the people on the beach belong to similar families as I and have no real choice in terms of where they go for vacation, similarly to how you have no choice but to continue reading, therefore it is possible that they do not love the beach. Although, I cannot imagine that anyone truly hates the beach, as it has many redeeming qualities.

This idea of course takes into consideration the level of tolerance that an individual has for being consistently surrounded by people, and I have zero tolerance for such scenarios.

But this is okay, because aside from the characteristic of the beach that is the hordes of people, the beach also has two universal temperature settings of “pleasantly warm” or “hot to the point of life endangerment,” which I have always considered to be one of the selling points of the beach.

Perhaps due to global warming or the increasing number of people on the beach, I have found that the temperature of the beach has been perpetually stuck at a temperature that could possibly be considered lethal to humans in high doses. This, coupled with the fact that college life in Pennsylvania has conditioned me for temperatures that kill most land animals, means that my last few visits have been increasingly uncomfortable. This is not to say that the beach is without its redeeming qualities, those being the water and potentially the sand.

Beginning with the water, and what I believe to be the primary factor in drawing in overwhelming numbers of people to a place that as far as I know was never meant for human settlement, there’s a lot of it. And more often than not, it’s cold, potentially shark-infested and also full of an unreasonable amount of people, making this hallmark insufferable for any extended period of time. Interestingly enough, I have found myself rooting for the sharks, as I believe that a shark attack could do a lot for the excitement levels of beachgoers.

Unfortunately, in order to avoid the water, one must remain on the sand, which I would assume is the same substance that has taken the place of snow in Hell, as the possibly sentient sand seems to intentionally follow you back from the beach in order to ruin your life. An exaggeration? Probably. But it is warranted as this most recent inner reflection has undoubtedly led many to believe that I hate the beach which could be true as far as I know.

In order to sum it all up in the end, I will simply take what I believe to be the most important information about myself that you may or may not have gathered from reading. This is of course may vary from reader to reader based your own level of attentiveness. So for those who have not been paying attention, my name is Tyler, and I am a blogger who absolutely hates the beach.