An Observation of Tyler Elias

For years, I have been observing the person known as Tyler Elias from a reasonably safe distance as to further understand the mannerisms of this highly interesting and complex individual.

This of course has been a challenge all its own, as only just recently I have come to the realization that he may be on to me, which should have been made clear by the many serpentine-like routes he sometimes takes, leaving me disoriented and alone in the woods for days at a time, with no food or water and only my wits to get me back on track.

He is, after all, crafty and a highly elusive subject of interest, oftentimes disappearing into solitude for days at a time. My assumption is that this time is spent as a form of personal detachment from social engagement. I have derived this assumption from his particular social tendencies, in which he avoids large crowds and select individuals.

While I am sure that these avoided individuals have their very own uniqueness and characteristics that have placed them on Tyler’s list of undesirables, they pale in comparison to Tyler himself, an individual of far more intrigue. I do believe that this list of undesirables stems from what I have perceived as Tyler’s socially temperamental personality.

I have noted, on several occasions, instances where others, whether intentionally or unintentionally, took part in actions or events that caused a particular irritation for Tyler. I believe that I have detected a pattern to these altercations and have devised the best possible means to go about them, should an individual find themselves within what I call the “proximity of interaction.”

Firstly, the individual spots Tyler, most likely from a far but possibly from a safe distance of 3 to 5 meters. From his neutral facial expression, the individual derives that he is cool, calm, and collected and deems it safe to enter the same lunch line as him.

Unbeknownst to the individual, lines of any kind act as a sort of focused hotspot of frustration and enhanced irritability for Tyler, as there are many problems that can occur, such as the food running out or the waiter leaving their post for inexplicable reasons. This only compounds the volatile situation, as Tyler is most likely hungry, given that he would not venture into such a densely populated area if it were not necessary.

If the individual is lucky, they are behind Tyler, as this makes it increasingly difficult for ensuing incidents to be their fault, which would place them on the list of undesirables swiftly and indefinitely.

Nonetheless, if the individual finds themselves ahead of Tyler in line, they must act accordingly. No eye contact is to be made unless necessary or unless they are already a verified acquaintance of Tyler’s. The individual should also aim to complete their business quickly, as causing a halt in the efficiency of Tyler’s acquisition of food may yield a rapid shift in his temperament.

Upon leaving the line, it is important that the individual not aim to interact with others in a way that would further disrupt the flow of food from the buffet to Tyler’s plate, which would yield the same results as if the individual were standing near the edge of the Grand Canyon, a serene yet precarious choice of footing.

My findings indicate that there are many factors that play into altercations such as these. While Tyler’s state of hunger and the number of people present are among these factors, the time of day is also something to be taken into consideration.

Tyler is increasingly, shall we say, prone to unpleasant temperaments during the morning hours, beginning from whichever hour he happens to wake up at to approximately four hours and one meal later. His temperament will eventually mellow out over that approximate time but may be prone to reverting to its previous state if engaged in unsavory or even mildly hostile conversation.

I do believe that Tyler is aware of these subtleties, and will actively attempt to mask growing frustration with what I have overheard described as acute sarcasm. There have been times that I myself have witnessed, and others that I have only heard rumors of, when braver individuals have attempted to undermine this with passive aggression, or, heaven forbid, an attempt to guilt him with tales of personal troubles or family woes.

I would say that these acts are unwise, as I have observed a keen sense of awareness only shrouded by an accepting and dismissive demeanor. I do not recommend passive aggression or even active aggression, although I cannot help but think that he finds it all just a bit amusing.

I myself recently attempted to litter his path with scattered post-it notes, each with what I thought to be very clever passive aggressive comments, only to have them resurface days later, not only cunningly placed along my own path, but also harshly rated on a 1 to 10 scale, with the majority never achieving higher than a 4.3, and the highest being a 5, accompanied by a spelling mistake being underlined and circled.

I had hoped that this particular experiment would lead to yet another discovery, but I was left only with a sense that I had underestimated his wit and that my feelings had somewhat been hurt. I had believed at least some of my better notes to have been worthy of at least a 7, although his system of judgment is still something of a mystery.

I will not let this setback deter me, however, as I do believe that there is more to be discovered about this individual.